age of consent?

The video (around 8 minutes) on this page is very thought-provoking. A 19 year-old male had a (consentual) sexual relationship with his 15 year-old girlfriend, and was convicted for statutory rape, including on-going public identification as a sex-offender.

This scenario re-raises not only the question of sexual ethics (How old should a person be to have sex?), but also raises the question of what our laws are based on, etc.

Very interesting indeed (…and before Christians give too ‘conservative’ an answer, let me say that many people think that Mary was possibly as young as 14 when she was found to be pregnant with Jesus…)…

sexual identity – again…

I’ve posted before on this topic, and thought I’d share a bit more about it. Hopefully, these thoughts will be helpful in aiding fruitful discussion…

I’ve observed a distinction between 3 things that I feel are necessary to distinguish between in order to most helpfully discuss the topic of sexuality. Actually, these three things can, I suggest, be distinguished helpfully when discussing other topics as well… See what you think…

Continue reading “sexual identity – again…”

what’s the problem with porn?

There are a few, perhaps, who would answer this question with a casual (or insistent) “None. Get over it”, but most, I suspect, would agree: porn (obviously only for societies that have it) is a problem.

Some better questions would be ‘what kind of problem is it?’, ‘where does it come from?’ and ‘how do people deal with it?’

Jason Byassee has written an interesting article over at ‘First Things’ website. He refers to a book by Pamela Paul, ‘Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families’, whose Times article titled ‘The Porn Factor’ begins with this synopsis of a ‘Friends’ episode: Continue reading “what’s the problem with porn?”

sex: taboo or tapu?

“In a free society, there has to be a happy medium between burqas and boobs on bikes.”

Tapu Misa has just written another great article discussing popular culture, advertising, sex and all that… Have a read of it here.

She’s in touch with both research and public opinion, and wonderfully expresses her own convictions without losing touch with those who may disagree with her.

Topical… Provocative… Well-informed…

That’s good journalism.

Keep it up, Tapu.

(the Title, ‘sex: taboo or tapu?’ was inspired by the coincidence that ‘tapu’ is not only the author’s name, but means ‘sacred’ [according to the concerned Tongan lady quoted in the article]…)

(EDIT: The video below shows a song by ‘Flight of the Conchords’ called ‘Business Time’ which is quite an interesting [and hilarious in my opinion!] parody of the difference between ‘real’ sex and the false notions seen in advertising, etc. – In my judgment, the song is actually making a good point, and not in an explicit way, so I think it’s safe for most people, but don’t watch if you’re easily offended…)

sexual identity remixed

I’m well aware of this topics’ controversial nature. In fact, that’s part of the reason I’ve been wanting to write about this for a while. What I do not want to do is quote verses or provide what I think ‘the Bible says’ about this issue. Of course, I do have a view on that, but that specific pathway into this topic has been almost ruined for all kinds of reasons, not least simplistic applications of various texts. As with any other discussion, the use of words is key. At one extreme, the sheer number of terms being created (‘pangender’, ‘omnisexuality’ and ‘heteronormativity’ to name but a few) does not seem to help fruitful discussion, but at the other extreme, many can fail to appreciate the complexity of the issues being discussed. Because of this complexity, it would be easy to spend huge amounts of time trying to address everything that has ever been said about human sexuality. But, of course, that’s the job of a lengthy dissertation or something. My hope is to fruitfully contribute to the conversation. Quite simply, I want to raise two concerns I have relating to human sexuality.

Continue reading “sexual identity remixed”

love and firewood

Attention couples!!!

We’re quite educated in the ways of showing affection, aren’t we? Two flawless bodies on a billboard with arms and legs intertwined in new, creative ways… just shocking enough to make you want to buy the clothes they are half-wearing… two people on a park bench rubbing each other up and down as if they were freezing to death… Should we be listening to these suggestions though? Why or why not? Affection is harmless enough, right?

Don’t worry, I’m not going to waste any time trying to discourage any certain forms of affection. I do, however, want to think for a moment about the contrast between physicality and commitment.

The physical stuff is visible, concrete and undeniable. The ideas behind them are invisible, abstract and often cloudy. Also, the two can sometimes be totally separate. Consider people in modeling or acting. The physicality is there, but I doubt there is any commitment or relationship. Conversely, in some marriages gone cold, there may be a certain level of commitment, but no passion or intimacy.

So how in the world can we build strongly committed relationships with healthy physicality? How can such a balance be started and maintained? Is it possible?

I think the answer lies in a helpful analogy I’ve learned from Tommy Nelson in his study on The Song of Solomon.

He relates physical passion to gasoline, and rightly points out that a relationship built on that alone may have large flames for a little while, but has nothing left afterwards. He talks about the need for the ‘firewood’ of commitment and character.

I think it’s interesting to note as well that the more firewood you have, the longer the fire lasts! Are we sometimes guilty of impatiently gathering a few small twigs, drowning them with gasoline and feeling frustrated that the fire doesn’t last? Possibly?

God is more than aware of the pain and hurting that comes with failed relationships. He doesn’t want us to go through the pain! He wants to give us His best!

I’m not a fan of all the charts, graphs or rules that people try to create for successful relationships, but I will say this: For the sake of your heart, keep the gasoline in the can until you’ve gathered the firewood of commitment and character. Then you can enjoy the warmth and security of a committed relationship.