Simon,
I appreicate you sharing your perspective.
I still think the notion of no ‘other’ is still problematic – indeed impossible. Relationships are about sharing – experiences, posessions, feelings, etc. The more that is shared, the deeper the relationship is. You can’t share deeply or become ‘one’ with thousands of people. ‘Marriage’ (consumated by the physical sexual union – whether or not a paper is signed or ceremony had) is a unique instance where the two are also one.

I like Tom Wright’s description of Love in that Love a) respects the objective ‘other-ness’ of the beloved (i.e. not forcing/coercing itself into/onto the ‘other’ or vice-versa), whilst b) remaining in rich, subjective relationship to the beloved; Love ‘transcends the objective/subjective divide’.

My closest relationship is with my wife. We remain individuals, but we share so much that there is a ‘one-ness’ as well. Both-and.

Dale,

I really would invite you look further into Buddhis/Eastern practise. I belong to a practical philosophy club and it has really opened my eyes.
If you think about the relationships in your life, Dale, I’m sure you will be able to see that it is in your closest relationships that the me/you line is most blurred; identity is the most fused. And the more identity is fused, the more empathy is there. In this way, it is as our identities with people become fused – our blurring between them vs. us – that we can truly have empathy, and have right relationship to people.

Simon,
Yes, my friend is Buddhist, so naturally would have an ‘Eastern’ flavour – though not all ‘eastern’ thought is identical. And I’m sorry, but I’d have to say that if there are ‘no real others’, then it’s not so much that ‘relationship becomes whole’ as much as that relationship becomes nothing. And as for being in ‘right relationship’ to things, I think it is essential to retain respect for (and appreciation of) the ‘other-ness’ of those things.

As for the Fight Club quote, however, I love it!

Dale,

Your friend’s notion of there being no real other is quite Eastern. I think that – quite the contrary to relationships being impossible – it is only when we realise that there are no real others that relationship becomes whole. For it is only when we treat others and everything within “Gaia” as part of our self that we are in right relationship to these things.

I love a quote from an equally brilliant Movie Fight Club: “The things you own end up owning you”